Earlier I mentioned an enigmatic prize table. The prize table is a metaphysical concept expressed in real time and space as a collection of junk gifts. Whether or not there is an actual table is beside the point, what matters is the collection point. A box, a closet corner, whatever. Yes, you too can have your very own prize table. And the contents of the prize table are limited only by your cheapness and audacity.

The reason the prize table exists is because you need a source of readymade gifts for all occasions. Need to bring something over to a friend’s party? Forgot your nephew’s birthday? Co-worker you can’t stand coming back from the hospital and you have to look good in front of the office? No problem! With a fully stocked prize table, you just select whatever piece of junk you feel the twerp deserves, wrap it up, and voila! No fuss, no muss.

This isn’t to say you must always use the prize table. Save your valuable time and money for the moments and people that really matter to you. Some more generous souls may never need to call upon the power of the prize table at all. It’s just a slight reassurance in a Terminator robot-infested world to know you have a backup in the gift department. One must carry sacrifices at all times in case of ambush by chthonic beings and their minions!

So how do you stock the prize table? Well, estate sales are one way to populate the prize table. You’ll find things suitable for the prize table that don’t quite make the grade for your own personal use. Another source is gifts given to you by other people! Yes, you can take the horrible, tacky yellow rug from Aunt May and give it along to Uncle Buck. A further source of material is whatever you have gotten tired of and would like to get rid of. But keep in mind that the older and more broken down it looks, the less likely it will pass inspection. You must always tailor your choices by what you believe you can get away with.

That’s about all there is too it.  Start collecting your misfit toys now, because sooner or later you too might need the prize table!