Confession time.

One of my secret fears has been that I would become famous and forced to live a lie of who I really am. Lots of people struggle to become known; I’ve been trying to hide and not be seen. I just don’t have what it takes to maneuver the reefs and sharks of public attention.

Then I got a little older and found that if I didn’t live my life in the manner that was my creative path, I would be living a lie too. I had to be who I was meant to be or I would be turning my back on the blessings I had been given.

That doesn’t mean I am someone.

All throughout my life, people have been saying I ought to get down with my gifts and live up to them. I’ve been avoiding that like you wouldn’t believe. There have been more than a few moments of psychological jeopardy in which I cried, clenched my fists, and threw up. I didn’t want to have anything to do with that dog doo! Land’s sakes, get out of my life!

Do you know how relieved I would be if the facts of life said I was nobody?  Do you know how special you are to see me dancing like this, unknown by anyone? To confess and finally say to the universe, “Ha! Eat it dummies! I’m nobody, see?!” I can rest on the couch and sigh with relief.

Except I got to do this stuff and that risks the unknown for me.

Every day is a holy ordeal and I think about the people who love me. They touch me in ways I was afraid to acknowledge before. Now, I honor them. I’m of the age where I think now of how I will leave this world. I’ve been hiding. Now I suspect I am being dishonest by not being real to those who know the deal.

That doesn’t mean I have something to say.

I am going to do stuff and if I have nothing to say, it’s okay. It will be a huge pressure off my back. I can finally face the monsters of my life and say, “You don’t know nothing!” I can be a nobody and I will live my life to the fullest as a stupid super-fool.

What if the monsters are right?

I don’t know what I will do. Does anybody? I just want people to like me!

I may have to help people by being someone. I may have to live my life so people have a chance to know their own power.

People must be free.

So I’m puttin’ in The Human League’s “Open Your Heart” and thinking now is the time.

Lies the reason
Faith or treason
Playing a part
End concealing
Try revealing
Open your heart