Fri 22 Feb 2008
Me and my mirage
Posted by laup under Gardening, Meditations, Outbreak, Weirdie
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You need some light to see your shadow, though too much will make it disappear. Too little light and all becomes darkness, and you can’t tell the shadow from the night. Become disassociated from your shadow, and it might take off on its own. Getting it back would require you to sew it back on, like in Peter Pan. I’m thinking the shadow might feel safer coming out to play with the lights out.
I get the creeps so bad I experience a minor hallucination. That’s when I feel the clutch of the dark and terrible figure responsible for all my night fears and anxiety. I’m in the presence of a stupid, nasty figure of despicable character and rotten luck.
His first words are incriminations. Why did I take so long in coming? Don’t I know how lonely and miserable he’s been, skulking about waiting for me to pay my respects?
What’s the matter, I ask this bird-brained grail king of poor taste?
If I hadn’t been so bleeping self-important, he wouldn’t have had to resort to giving me the “phantasmagoria” treatment to get my attention. He wants me to help him get a date with UFO girl.
Say that again?
My host starts telling me about this extraterrestrial “broad” he’s got a grotesque fascination for, and he wants me to help him find her so he can score. He’s acquired an unhealthy collection of sighting information and pictures from the internets, and a used book store he skulks about in on Sundays, because he thinks “babes with books” are hawt.
I can’t believe I’m in the basement talking to myself in the dark with an imaginary psychic entity, but there it is. This is turning out to be a weird night.
I catch a whiff of a cold earthy smell and am reminded of my garden (which is in winter pre-spring prep mode right now). My host notices my interest and I listen to him expound about his one human passion, the growing of plants and the enjoyment of their cultivation. This is an interest we have in common, and I tell him so.
He rudely scoffs at my amateurish “interest”, calling my efforts pathetic and feeble. Well, he’s right. So I ask him what might make me less worthless. My host says its a waste of time to train the incompetent, but watching me gawk like a rube at his astounding knowledge might be amusing.
I get a brief mental tour of his night garden. He shows me the process he uses to encourage plants to grow, in which one uses touch and voice to transmit a common spirit. The stuff he shows me kind of freaks me out, and I can’t get it out of my head.
I promise to grow something night-related, specifically a moonflower, or two, for my host. I think it’s only appropriate that there be some physical representation between us that manifests our conversation.
He recalls an audio tape I made ten years back, of music that expressed a desire to know the devilish side of my personality. I’d forgotten all about The Crumb Star. My host thought it was a jangling mix of mostly horrible music, but at least I made an attempt at talking to him.
My thought is that I need to contact the Dark Goddess and ask if she has any clues about where to find this UFO girl. This sort of thing seems to be her sort of specialty.
With that clue, my host says I’ll find what I need when I return to the normal world. I don’t know what he means, but I’m perfectly pleased to be of service. I open my eyes and I turn the light back on.
I take it that for now I have the shadow’s permission. I can walk the depths of the unconscious with reasonable confidence. There’s still a haunted house party to arrange.
For now, I got me a hall pass.
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